Peeks of spring: Fresh beginnings, false starts & the Fool.

The plants send love notes before the sun.

They tell us in the sparse trees budding with pale pinks of blossoms; bare branches freshly speckled with hope to contrast the brownstones and brick. They tell us with pockets of bright yellow dandelions planted in sidewalk beds; patches of grass more vibrant.

And the tulips. We must not forget the tulips.

False start #1

Today, on March 20, the cyclical clock of our solar system shifts towards a new season - and for a single day, the world experiences complete balance of light and dark.

In some traditions, the spring equinox symbolizes the start of a new year. A celebration of nascent growth and the first peeks of cherry blossoms on trees. We adorn ourselves with flower crowns and pastel petals to mark the transition towards longer days, and brighter nights.

Alas, it’s springtime - the season of paradoxes - of false starts and fresh beginnings.

And there have been many false starts.

Like the morning of yonder - yesterday - when the sun shined happy and blinding as I welcomed in the day, relishing the warmth of my linen sheets upon my exposed skin, staying in bed longer than I should - lost in the words of Virginia Wolfe - a solace that only Sunday mornings of solitude can beckon. Yet, looks and warmth are deceiving. Outside the temperature outside hovered barely above 30 degrees Fahrenheit, and I suddenly felt angst within the walls of my West Village apartment - simultaneously cozy yet entombed.1

Ah, the greenhouse effect. And I, merely a flower wishing upon false rays.

False start #2

Today is April 1 - “April Fool’s Day”. This morning, as a curious mind, I researched the origin of this cultural phenomenon, one of which theories from include:

“There’s also speculation that April Fools’ Day was tied to the vernal equinox, or first day of spring in the Northern Hemisphere, when Mother Nature fooled people with changing, unpredictable weather.”

I do not believe it coincidence, or perhaps that is my own perception morphing into meaning, all the same, that I find myself writing again on seasonal milestones. The anticipation of spring still teasing us with her jokes.

And that is the secret of spring - there is no date to mark her presence. Rather, she is an ever-blossoming evolution hidden into the folds of gradual becoming. New buds arise every day upon the trees, while the weather still teases.

On this first day of April, I do feel fooled. It’s dark this morning, and raining outside, but the temps are supposed to hit high-60’s by the afternoon. Yesterday, I wore my long down jacket with the hood up in mid-30’s. It seems like the weather oscillates as much as my emotions. It was then that I realized I was experiencing seasonal depression. During these times, I feel like a wilting flower. I told my partner, “All I wish for is to read outside on the grass”. 

Instead, I finish Virginia Wolfe’s essay Street Haunting on top of the bed, half distracted from the chill seeping through the window. But soon, I escape in the romance of her words time traveled. And here I am now, 11 days later, inspired, revitalized - and writing again.

On this first day of April, I cannot help but think of the Fool in Tarot. As the 0 card of the Major Arcana, the Fool symbolizes the infancy of our hero’s journey:

“The Fool is the Green Man, the harbinger of a new cycle of existence, the herald of new life and fresh beginnings. He can be seen as the innocent spirit about to embark on physical incarnation; the young chid who has yet to learn the perils in the world; or as the seeker after enlightenment chasing the elusive butterfly of intuition in the hope that it will lead to the mysteries…in some Tarot packs he is seen to carry a small flower loosely in one hand; this is his soul, the fragment of divinity which he will bear with him through all the trials ahead.” -Alfred Douglas, The Tarot

We all hold a flower loosely in our hand, letting our souls guide us toward living our truth. This past week the cocoon of my floral business project cracked open and there it was - the launch of my website,, and official exposure into the public eye. There have been false starts, and I believe there to be many more, but as the the tiny blossoms on the bare trees teach us, the resilience of life will surpass the freezing temperatures of spring.

This is only the beginning, but as the 0 symbolizes in The Fool, the cycle continues, and the beginning and ends begin to blur so as to be indistinguishable amongst the journeys of our lives. So, too, does spring not spring onto us in a spontaneous moment as its name suggests, but rather seeps into being as subtle shifts of miracles, and thus rebirths from the karmic cycles of selves and all the springs of its past - false starts that beckon fresh beginnings, forevermore.

We must not forget the tulips.

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